As a child I recall my mother singing that song by Shirley Brown back in 1974.   She cried. I didn’t realize at the time why the song’s lyrics were a source of pain for my mom. Through the years I watched her suffer financially, socially and emotionally because of women whose total disregard for the institution of marriage, destroyed my mother’s “ideal” relationship (of course with the help of my father).

My mother was a “good girl.” She graduated from college with honors and immediately started a career in Education as a school teacher. She met my father, a fiercely attractive Vietnam Veteran, who became a policeman after a successful career in the Airforce. She remained a virgin and protected her chastity until her wedding night. After she married my dad, they moved to suburbia where they bought a “white house” with a picket fence.  She was living the American dream.

Then it happened. Signs of extramarital relationships emerged. One woman in particular was very bold and would call my mother to inform her of the affair. This “harlot” had no problem being in public with my dad despite the fact that he had a pregnant wife at home. Another woman would come to the house and sleep with my dad while my mom was at work. Two children were borne out of their secret daytime trysts. Eventually it was too much to bear. My mother divorced my father and managed to raise my brother and me without any financial support from him.  She did a great job.

As a recently divorced woman I have found myself dating again. I was surprised when I became exposed to just how many women are classified as the “other woman.” Some are OK with this title, (so they say) and others are hoping that their suitor will at some point leave his wife for them. I’ve met single women who only want to date “married men.”

I’ve also met married woman who are allowing their husbands to have another woman through a so-called “open relationship;” and married women who suspect that their husbands are unfaithful, but they refuse to say anything about it because they are financially dependent on their spouse. Some women are subjecting themselves to a “Swingers” lifestyle, out of fear that if they don’t participate the “other woman” will succeed in taking their husband. And of course I have met countless men offering me the “chance” to be their thing-on-the-side.

That is why this movement towards Gender-Loyalty™ and sisterhood was launched.     In a 2009 study in “The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology,” researchers found that “mate poaching” among females is more common than once believed.  In fact, when it comes to attached men, this study found that a startling 90 percent of single women were found to be interested in pursuing married men; but only 59 percent were interested in single men.

Some women in the latest studies felt that if their lover’s wife was a stranger, they didn’t violate a friend.  Thus,  they did nothing wrong.   However moral behavior is based on principles, not on the level of acquaintance.

This movement is not an effort to blame extramarital affairs solely on the “other woman.”   Nor am I  absolving men from their God-mandated responsibility to uphold the sanctity of their marriage.  I simply have no interest in addressing men on this subject and recognize that these affairs are not entirely the man’s fault.

My goal is to remind women of “sisterhood” – and to encourage those of my own gender to squash the desires and motives that foster female rivalry.    As women we should love the idea of being a female so dearly that we wouldn’t dare do anything to hurt another woman (whether we know her personally or not).    We must learn to live up to our fullest potential and believe that we can experience self-actualization and success by following moral principals and standards.

All women are sisters – our struggles may not be the same – but we share some of the same burdens just attempting to navigate through life. God wants us to respect, love and support one another.

On this blog I  will share socially relevant topics on the subject of relationships, sisterhood, empowerment, and other conversations aimed at sharing this powerful loyalty message to change lives.  I invite you to become a membertof this site and create your own Blog in “The Ladies Room” to share your insight and wisdom.  You can also post questions for the “Life Coach” and receive timely responses and a unique perspective regarding your issues based on Humanistic principles to help you improve your quality of life.

I look forward to serving you.

Dionne Mahaffey